


good men, the last wave by, crying how bright

by ShanleenKinnJaskey



Series: Coming Back As We Are [6]
Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Angst with a happy ending?, Beating, Blangst, Bonding, Children of Characters, Closeted Character, Episode: s04e04 The Break Up, F/M, Forced Marriage, Gay Bar, I'm Sorry, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, One Night Stands, So You Won't Die Of A Broken Heart, Suicide, Underage Drinking, alternate endings, in one ending
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-04
Updated: 2015-12-20
Packaged: 2018-04-24 19:51:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4933063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShanleenKinnJaskey/pseuds/ShanleenKinnJaskey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In another lifetime, when his dad hits him, Blaine doesn't leave. Why would he? He deserves it, doesn't he?<br/>When he told Kurt that he cheated on him, Blaine began to die inside. And this time, when no one ever sees what's happening and saves him, he never stops.<br/>(Although sometimes he does)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. and I live on, but in grief and self-contempt

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from "Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night" by Dylan Thomas.
> 
> The first chapter is written to "Rosemary's Piano Theme" from The Giver.
> 
> For different endings in the "Blaine doesn't leave" verse, read more chapters.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title is from Petrarch.

_"And I... will swallow my pride_

_You're the one that I love_

_And I'm saying goodbye..."_

_-A Great Big World_ , Say Something (I'm Giving Up On You)

 

_"Full of broken thoughts_

_I cannot repair_

_Beneath the stains of time_

_The feelings disappear_

_You are someone else_

_I am still right here..."_

_-Johnny Cash_ , Hurt

 

This time, when his dad hits him, Blaine doesn't leave. Why would he? He deserves it, doesn't he?

Instead he just turns his back on his dad, heads upstairs, and cries himself to sleep.

* * *

Kurt comes back from New York at Christmas. He's tried to move on from Blaine, but for some reason he can't. He hasn't talked to Blaine since that night and he still hurts over what Blaine has done but he still can't see himself with anyone else. Blaine was beautiful, amazing, the best friend and boyfriend that he'd ever had.

And people can be forgiven for their mistakes, right? He just needs to sit down with Blaine and talk to him about what happened. After all, he's kind of at fault here too, right?

He walks into the Lima Bean and sees Blaine kissing some dark-haired girl at a table. He gasps, turns around, and runs out, tears streaming from his eyes. He doesn't see the dead look in Blaine's eyes, the way he never smiles anymore. He'll never find out how Blaine's parents treat him, how when his dad slapped him and got no reaction he kept at it. He'll never see how Blaine wears long sleeves and cover up nowadays to hide the bruises, and he'll never know of the scars that Blaine's parents words leave on his heart. He'll never see how insecure Blaine really is, how even while kissing that girl, the daughter of a businessman that his parents picked out for him, he is picturing Kurt and wondering how he'd let the lie become the truth.

Kurt runs out of the Lima Bean and after Christmas goes back to New York. He moves on now, basically shoving himself into relationships just to forget about Blaine and that awful sight he'd seen in the Lima Bean. He ends up with Adam, who at first is just a good friend who listens to him talk about how betrayed he feels about Blaine and, after a few glasses of wine, he ends up in a heated makeout session with. They end up dating, and Kurt tries to never look back. Blaine's obviously moved on, so why shouldn't he?

Fuck high school sweethearts, he deserves a life of his own without the thought of cheating ex-boyfriends weighing him down.

* * *

When he lied and told Kurt that he cheated on him, Blaine began to die inside. And this time, when no one ever sees what's happening and saves him, he never stops.

* * *

Seven years later Blaine gets married to Angela, that same girl he kissed at the Lima Bean. He still hears about Kurt through Finn and Sam, and that's the only happiness he has left. Kurt is long gone, engaged to some man named Ryan Evans, an up-and-coming Hollywood director, and Blaine's happy for him. That's all he ever wanted for Kurt anyway- a man who deserves Kurt, who will stay faithful to him and give him everything he ever wants without having to worry about old baggage or a horrible family. 

So what if he cries himself to sleep the night before his wedding, which is supposed to be the happiest day of his life? Kurt has forgotten about him and is happy. Though he doesn't love Angela, he does care about her, and she's happy. Her family, the Preston-Lithwicks, are happy. His parents are satisfied. The Hummels don't care about him anymore. His friends (more like acquaintances) are all estatic that he's finally getting married.

It doesn't matter that he doesn't love his soon-to-be wife, that he's still not over his high school sweetheart and will probably never be, that Kurt will probably die without ever knowing the truth. No one will ever know. Everyone else is happy, and that's all Blaine’s ever wanted.

(It doesn't matter that he's dead inside)


	2. when, in disgrace with fortune and men's eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title is from "Sonnet 29" by Shakespeare.  
> So this fic is basically a sandbox for me to work on my writing and imagine alternate ways the "Blaine stays with his family" plot line might have ended up.  
> This one goes AU after Blaine gets a girlfriend but before Kurt finds out.  
> Song is "Breakeven" by the Script.

Kurt returns to Lima for Thanksgiving. He's trying to move on over Blaine, but every time he finds himself trying to flirt with another guy he feels a pang in his heart like he's cheating. He knows he's not, that Blaine cheated and they broke up, but there is still a nagging feeling lingering in the back of his mind.

He wants to move on from Blaine, so when Finn brings up the New Directions benefit concert at Thanksgiving dinner Kurt decides not to go, turning it down to stay home with Dad and Carole instead. No one mentions Blaine as the reason, but he catches his dad and Carole exchanging a meaningful glance.

***

"Hey, Finn," Blaine asks quietly a few minutes before the concert begins, "Is Kurt coming tonight?"

"No, he said he wanted to stay home with Burt and Carole," Finn says.

Blaine nods. Something passes over his face that Finn can't quite read before he turns away. "I'll go practice just a little bit more. Angela will be waiting for me to come on- can't disappoint her."

Finn resists the urge to imitate Burt Hummel and tell Blaine that he disappointed them when he cheated on Kurt and then got a girlfriend, but he doesn't say anything as Blaine walks away.

*** 

Kurt enters the auditorium by himself about halfway through the concert. He _had_ planned on staying home with Dad and Carole, but at the last minute has decided to come to the concert. Everyone else deserves his support, and maybe it won't hurt _too_ much to see Blaine again.

He slips into an end seat just as Tina and Artie begin. He doesn't pay much attention to their enthusiastic rendition of "Carry On" by Fun., but then the curtains go down and the crowd applauds, jerking him out of his thoughts. Kurt takes a moment to appreciate how McKinley has changed since the ill-fated Night of Neglect a few years ago. He represses a wince at the reminder of that night- yes, it had been a horrible fail for the New Directions, but it had been his second date with Blaine. They'd faced off against Karofsky together and introduced Blaine to the New Directions. Regardless of what had happened since, it had been a fantastic night.

(That was probably why it hurt so badly to think about.)

Then the curtains draw back, distracting him from his thoughts. The lights come up on [Blaine](http://media.hollywood.com/images/l/Glee_Whitney_Tribute_Blaine.jpg), who's sitting center stage on a stool. He's wearing a simple long-sleeve black button down and slacks instead of his normal colorful polo and skinny jeans and his characteristic smile is missing.

"I'd like to dedicate this [song](https://youtu.be/WKcVt1Cn5BI) to an old friend," Blaine says, "Even though he unfortunately couldn't make it tonight."

_  
_

_I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing_

_Just prayed to a God that I don't believe in_

_'Cause I got time while she got freedom_

_'Cause when a heart breaks, no, it don't break even_

 

_Her best days were some of my worst_

_She finally met a man that's gonna put her first_

_While I'm wide awake she's no trouble sleeping_

_'Cause when a heart breaks no it don't break even... even... no_

 

_What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you?_

_And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're OK?_

_I'm falling to pieces, yeah,_

_I'm falling to pieces_

 

Blaine's voice doesn't waver at all during the song, but at this point a tear slips down his cheek. Just a single, solitary tear, but the uniqueness of it only makes Kurt feel worse. Blaine doesn't cry- in fact, the only time Kurt's seen him cry was when he confessed to cheating.

 

_They say bad things happen for a reason_

_But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding_

_'Cause she's moved on while I'm still grieving_

_And when a heart breaks no it don't break even, even... no_

 

_What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you?_

_And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're OK?_

_I'm falling to pieces, yeah,_

_I'm falling to pieces, yeah,_

_I'm falling to pieces_

_(One still in love while the other one's leaving)_

_I'm falling to pieces_

_('Cause when a heart breaks no it don't break even)_

 

The thought strikes Kurt hard.

Blaine never cries- a slushie laced with rock salt had been chucked into his eye and though he'd screamed, a tear had never escaped due to pain or betrayal. Through everything Blaine has always been the strongest person Kurt knows, a leader and a defender of others.

But who had defended him?

 

_Oh, you got his heart and my heart and none of the pain_

_You took your suitcase, I took the blame._

_Now I'm tryna make sense of what little remains, ooh_

_'Cause you left me with no love and honour to my name._

 

_I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing_

_Just prayed to a God that I don't believe in_

_'Cause I got time while she got freedom_

_'Cause when a heart breaks, no, it don't break..._

_No, it don't break_

_No, it don't break even, no_

 

Up there on the stage Blaine looks exhausted. No dark bags under his eyes, but the slight slumping of his shoulders, almost imperceptible, is obvious to Kurt who knows everything about the way Blaine's body acts. And it hurts, seeing Blaine so tired and defeated no matter what he's done to Kurt, no matter how much he's hurt Kurt. Kurt never wants Blaine in pain, even if him cheating broke Kurt's heart.

 

_What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you?_

_And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're okay?_

_(Oh glad you're okay now)_

_I'm falling to pieces, yeah_

_I'm falling to pieces, yeah_

_(Oh I'm falling, falling)_

_I'm falling to pieces,_

_(One still in love while the other one's leaving)_

_I'm falling to pieces_

_('Cause when a heart breaks, no, it don't break even)_

 

_Oh, it don't break even no_

_Oh, it don't break even no_

_Oh, it don't break even no_

 

Blaine finishes and walks off stage without another glance back, and Kurt sits there, hand held to his mouth, tears streaming down his face as he watches the love of his life walk away.

 

When he heads backstage after Sam (the last performer of the night) sings, he catches an unfamiliar girl hanging around outside the dressing room. [She's](http://kidsandglasses.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/image1optiwowwatson.png) pretty enough, with short brown hair, pale, noble features, and bright blue-gray eyes framed by wire-framed glasses, but Kurt doesn't recognize her.

"Hello," he says, "I don't mean to be impolite, but who are you?"

"I'm Angela Preston-Lithwick," she says, offering a hand for him to shake, "I'm Blaine Anderson's girlfriend."

He shakes her hand almost numbly, eyes wide. He'd known that Blaine had moved on, Finn's occasional updates had told him that, but he hadn't expected Blaine to move on _this_ far. "Kurt Hummel. I'm a former member of the New Directions. If you don't mind me asking, how did you two meet?"

She smiles a bit nervously. "Through our parents. His dad introduced us."

Kurt refrains from wincing at the mention of the man  _he'd_ never gotten to meet even after dating Blaine for a year and a half before asking, "How long have you been together?"

"Since Thanksgiving." Kurt's breath catches in his throat. She gives him a questioning look. "Why do you want to know?" She asks, but not in a snotty way- more like curious.

"Because I'm his ex-boyfriend and I'm worried. He cried on stage today and I've only ever seen him cry once before. Blaine got rock salt thrown in his eyes last year and barely shed a tear- something's got to be wrong.

And because, to quote the man himself, "Blaine's gay. 100% gay," and while you seem like a very nice person I don't see why he'd date you."

Before Angela has a chance to respond Blaine walks out of the dressing room, back in a long-sleeved button down and blue jeans. His eyes flicker between the two of them as Kurt and Angela look up at him (Kurt catches the fear shining in Blaine's familiar eyes, and it breaks his heart) and then he runs.

Kurt and Angela exchange a look and then run after Blaine.

 

They chase Blaine out of the school and onto the football field, where he manages to lose them for a minute. Angela glances over at Kurt in question when neither of them can spot Blaine and Kurt nods over to the bleachers, panting slightly. "Probably went to Skanks' hideout," he says. They run out behind the bleachers, where they find Blaine sitting on the battered sofa, legs tucked up against his chest and his face buried in his knees, sobs shaking his body.

"I know you're lying about something, even if I don't know what. Please, Blaine, just tell me the truth," Kurt asks, and Blaine's head jerks up. Angela can barely recognize the frantic, scared look in his eyes as he glances nervously between them, probably wondering if he can find a way out. "Tell  _us_  the truth."

"I-I can't," Blaine stammers out between sobs.

As Kurt reaches out to touch Blaine he flinches away. "Stop, please stop!" He shouts, and Kurt jerks backward. "You weren't-" Blaine sobs out, breathing ragged, "You weren't supposed to be here. You weren't supposed to know."

"Please just calm down, Blaine," Kurt pleads, eyes wide, as he squats down next to Blaine. "I don't want you to have a panic attack." Apparently he recognizes the signs better than Angela does. Well, it makes sense. She's never seen a proper panic attack before.

Blaine manages to calm down a little, his breathing starting to return to normal, and Kurt breathes a sigh of relief. "Now, Blaine, can you please tell Angela why you never told her about the fact that you're gay? She at least deserves that."

Blaine takes a deep breath and turns to Angela, tears still running down his face. "My father... he's abusive. He's been telling me about my worthlessness for as long as I can remember, increasing the attacks after I came out, and the physical abuse started when I snapped back at him after I lied to Kurt and he broke up with me." Kurt and Angela gasp, though for very different reasons. Blaine unbuttons the cuff of his sleeve quickly, almost frantically, and yanks it up to reveal purple-black bruises mottling his skin. "I missed school that Monday as we waited for the bruise to fade. He's kept at it, trading put-downs and insults for slaps and punches when I mess up. My mother still keeps at the verbal, but my father has escalated it to a whole new level. In November he introduced me to you and told me in no uncertain terms that if I didn't date you then he would make me pay. I like you, of course, but I don't feel attracted to you." Blaine puts his head in his hands and begins to sob even harder. "I'm sorry, Angela, and I'm sorry, Kurt," he chokes out, voice strangled, "I didn’t want to lie, but he keeps hurting me and I just wanted it to _stop_. I know it's selfish, and I'm just so _sorry,_ but I just couldn't take it anymore."

Angela gapes speechlessly at Blaine, shocked not only at the story he's telling but the light he's painting himself in. The way Blaine tells it _he_ should be blamed for everything that's happened, not his father. It sounds like he thinks it was _selfish_ to want to get his father to stop abusing him.

"You still can't stop blaming yourself, have you?" Kurt says brokenly, and Angela looks over to find him with tears falling down his cheeks. "Shit, Blaine, you never told me. I thought we knew everything about each other- I'm _so_  sorry I never noticed anything. I should have known something was wrong when you came to New York. I'm so, so sorry. If I'd only noticed- oh, fuck, if I'd only noticed. For the past month I've tried to hate you for cheating and all along it was a lie. Blaine, I have _nothing_  I can say to make it better."

"I never blamed you, Kurt," Blaine says fiercely, looking up from his hands and locking eyes with Kurt, and Angela suddenly gets the sense that Blaine and Kurt had been more than just a normal couple. She feels, almost, like she's intruding on a private moment. 

"I'm sorry," she says quietly, and Blaine looks back at her.

"No, Angela, it's not your fault," he says earnestly, "It's mine, don't blame yourself, _please_. I'm sorry for using you like this."

"Oh, Blaine," she says, and now _she's_ crying too, "Kurt's right- it's not your fault. It's your father and mother's, and theirs only." He ducks his head down, wrapping his trembling arms around himself, "I can't say I know what to do, and I have no idea what's going on, but I want to help." She pauses. "But Blaine?" He looks up at her expectantly, and she gives him a weak smile. "We're breaking up. For your sake and for mine."

His eyes search hers and he nods slowly. She leans forward to give him a hug and he flinches away. "I'm sorry!" He immediately apologizes for the movement, throwing his hands up as if to protect his face. Her heart twists at the motion, the automatic way he responded as if he thought he would be punished for flinching away.

Kurt reaches out carefully and gently pulls Blaine's trembling hands away from his face. "It's okay, sweetheart," Blaine's eyes widen at the term of endearment, suddenly vulnerable, and when Kurt continues talking as if nothing has happened Angela realizes that Kurt doesn't think of it as strange. "There's no need to be afraid. We're not like...those people. You know I would never do anything to hurt you."

Blaine watches Kurt for a few breathless moments before launching himself at him and burying his face in Kurt's shoulder, wrapping his arms around Kurt's back. "It's going to be okay," Kurt says, and Blaine just sobs into Kurt's chest.

It's going to be okay. Angela knows this situation is fucked up beyond belief, but it's going to be okay.

It _has_ to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll have one continuing off of the end of the first chapter up sometime soon.


	3. welcome to the end of eras

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An alternate ending where everything ends far too early...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title is from "Emperor's New Clothes" by Panic! At the Disco.

_"(Say goodnight) Holding my last breath_

_(Don't be afraid) Safe inside myself_

_(Calling me, calling me) Are all my thoughts of you?_

_Sweet raptured light, it ends here tonight..."_

_-Evanescence_ , My Last Breath

 

_"I'm slipping off the edge_

_I'm hanging by a thread_

_I wanna start this over again_

_So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered_

_And I can't explain what happened_

_And I can't erase the things that I've done_

_No, I can't..."_

_-Simple Plan_ , Untitled

 

Blaine picks up the razor from beside the sink, toying with the idea. The prospect isn't as inconceivable as it was just a few months ago, when there was still light in his life. Now there is nothing but _pain_.

The blades glints in the light, the shine enticing. Blaine has no friends left- he had very few to begin with, and most of those had chosen Kurt over him when Finn had told everyone about why Kurt and he had broken up. Blaine understands why they chose Kurt- he would choose Kurt over himself everyday of the week.

Those that didn't go over to Kurt- so Sam, basically- he's pushed away over the past few weeks, and by the point he's made this decision there is no one to distract him, to make some heartfelt speech about his worth and how everyone really does care about him.

Not that there would be one, but by this point he thinks all he would hear would be the shallow sound of hypocrisy. If they cared they'd have noticed that something was different with him, that he was slipping.

Now he's past the finish line, fallen off the edge, unable to be saved by any inevitably vain attempt to pull him back. He has been released, and something calm settles over him as he sets the razor to his skin, slices, and slashes in one pull.

It's mesmerizing, watching the red flow out and into sink, vision steadily growing darker. The pain is a symphony in his ears, a final burst of sound that enhances rather than detracts from his death. The music has been missing for so long, the silence oppressive and only broken by the staccato, grating beat of his parents words- how fitting that the music has finally returned in his final moments.

He slumps forward, blood pumping out, and slips into sweet oblivion for the last time.

.

(There is no suicide note, but there can be no doubt as to what has happened.)


	5. funny you're the broken one (but i'm the only one who needed saving)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title is from "Stay" by Rihanna.  
> Kurt goes to Blaine's house to return a jacket and stumbles upon something horrible.

_"No one ever listens, this wallpaper glistens_

_Don't let them see what goes down in the kitchen._

_Places, places, get in your places_

_Throw on your dress and put on your doll faces._

_Everyone thinks that we're perfect_

_Please don't let them look through the curtains..."_

_-Melanie Martinez,_ Dollhouse

 

 

Kurt comes to Lima with Rachel to see Grease. They go to opening night, and Kurt’s enjoyment of the play is tainted by the daydream of him and Blaine together at the end.

He realizes, that evening as he's going to bed, that he hadn't seen Blaine in or at the performance. 

Maybe, just maybe, he should go visit Blaine. Just to return the jacket Blaine left at the Bushwick that night, of course. Not because Kurt wants to see him or anything...just for purely professional reasons. After all, he's still upset about the cheating.

*

Kurt goes to Blaine's house that Sunday after steeling his nerves for an encounter with his ex. He drives over to the Andersons' and walks up to the door, jacket in hand. He knocks on the door but his phone vibrates as he does. He pulls it out of his pocket and checks it- oh, just another text from Finn about dinner. Nothing important.  

Blaine answers the door. "Here, Blaine," he says, holding up the jacket, "This is yours..." The words die in his throat as he looks up.

Blaine's cheek is bruised, dark purples and blues mottling the skin about his cheekbone and under his right eye. He's wearing a t-shirt and a matching bruise is purpling his upper right arm.

Blaine reaches out and takes it, something akin to fear flickering through his eyes. "Thank you, Kurt," He says, seeming to have not noticed Kurt's wide eyes and dropped jaw. "Have a nice day."

Then he shuts the door quietly behind him, showing no indication that Kurt's visit has been anything more than the postman visiting.

Kurt stands there, stunned, as Blaine's footsteps echo, getting quieter and quieter as he heads back into the house. He's worried, no doubt about it, wondering what caused the bruise on Blaine's cheek and the indifference in his words and stance but the fear in his eyes.

Then he hears it- a shout of pain- and he reaches out and, finding the door unlocked, opens it. The shouting drifts down the hallway to Kurt.

"He was just here to drop off a jacket. I'm not with him anymore, Dad, I swear. He broke up with me!"

And then he hears a  _thump_  and a groan of pain,and he runs. 

He runs down the hallway and finds Blaine against wall with his hands raised in front of face as he just takes it instead of pleading with his dad to stop, face pained but not protesting.

"It's for your own good, Blaine. Maybe it will straighten you out a bit."

Kurt doesn't think. He  _can't_ think- the ability of rational thought has left him. All he can see is Blaine being abused by his own father, and Blaine not even defending himself, just taking it as if he thinks he deserves it. Kurt runs in and grabs Mr. Anderson's wrist, pulling his hand back from hitting Blaine again.

"Stop, he's your _son!_ " He screams, and out of the corner of his eye he sees Blaine shrink back, not lifting his hand away from his face.

"He's no son of mine," Mr. Anderson spits, jerking his hand away from Kurt's slackened grasp as if he's burned. Kurt lets him go, knowing that he has to get Blaine away from here, from this man and his poisonous words and abuse.

"Blaine," he says softly, and Blaine looks at him. Kurt's heart breaks at the terrified look in Blaine's eyes, the way they shift away as soon as they meet his. "We're leaving." 

Blaine trembles, but he reaches out and takes Kurt’s hand. Kurt tries not to look at the bruise on Blaine’s cheek for too long, instead taking him and leading him out to his car. Blaine’s silent, which doesn’t quite help Kurt as he tries to keep from crying.

 

They ride the first few minutes in the car in silence, and Kurt tries not to keep glancing at the bruises forming on Blaine's face and arms, the older one on his cheek.

(He doesn't succeed.)

“When did your father start hurting you?”

“Physically?” Blaine asks, as if for clarification, and Kurt’s fingers tighten a little around the steering wheel.

“In any way,” Kurt clarifies, and Blaine lets out a breath.

“He’s been telling me how worthless I am ever since I can remember. You know, reminding me why I don’t deserve friends or family or happiness in general. It hurts but he’s just telling the truth, right? But physically? Friday- opening night of _Grease_. That’s this bruise right here.” He points to the bruise on his cheek.

Kurt had gone to see the play that night, had _enjoyed_ it, at least until his little daydream at the end, and Blaine was being abused by his father while he watched  _Hopelessly Devoted to You._ Oh Gaga, he's going to be sick...

“Why didn’t you leave?” Kurt asks, not quite understanding.

“Where would I have gone?” Blaine asks, and it’s not sarcastic or snarky. It’s just a simple, honest question, and it breaks Kurt’s heart.

"My house. My family loves you, no matter what you may have done. If they heard your father was abusing you they would have had you out of your house and bundled over to ours in a quick second and-" He frowns as he notices Blaine drag his hands over his face, then grimace in pain. "What's that about?"

Blaine mutters something under his breath that Kurt can't hear, so Kurt has to ask him to repeat it. "I didn't cheat on you," he says, and the bottom drops out of Kurt's stomach.

Kurt's usual eloquence fails him. "What was that?" He gasps out, mind sluggishly moving to comprehend.

Blaine looks miserable, eyes bright with tears and hands clapped even harder over his mouth as if in a futile attempt to keep the words in, but after a few moments he slides his hands away from his mouth and repeats, looking like he'd rather be anywhere than here, "I said I didn't cheat."

"But-but why would-" Kurt knows he is babbling, but neither his mind nor his mouth is working very well anymore.

"I tell you a lie?" Blaine supplies weakly, gaze dropping to the his feet. "I don't deserve you. I don't deserve anyone."

Kurt cursed the fact that he can't reach over and hug Blaine right now, but he reaches over and takes Blaine's hand over the central divider anyway. "I've never met anyone more deserving of love," he says truthfully, and Blaine worries his bottom lip.

"I'm-I'm not-" Blaine stutters, and Kurt runs his thumb along the side of Blaine's. Blaine swallows. "I'm  _worthless_ ," Blaine whispers, voice harsh but matter-of-fact.

"No, you're not," Kurt says, and Blaine still looks like he can't believe Kurt's words. Kurt swallows, wanting more than anything the look of disbelief off of Blaine's face. Blaine looks like Kurt's just said the sky is neon orange, something that couldn't be true in any realm of existence, and it breaks Kurt's heart. "I love you," he says, because he does, he's never stopped, and because the look of disbelief in Blaine's eyes when he tells him that he's not worthless is the most heartbreaking thing that Kurt has ever seen.

"You- you love me?" Blaine asks, voice cracking. He still won't quite look at Kurt. "You s-still love me?"

"Of course," Kurt says like it should be the most obvious thing in the world. "Why wouldn't I?"

"Because I lied, if nothing else."

"You had a reason, even if wasn't a very good one."

"Why?" Blaine asks, switching to another tact. It seems like he's trying anything to get Kurt to change his mind. "Why, even after everything that's happened? Why, after everything I put you through at Dalton when I didn't know you liked me? Why, after all the emotional problems I've caused you?"

"Do you think I care, Blaine? Do you think that matters to me? You're a teenage boy, Blaine. You were fifteen- you were bound to be oblivious and make mistakes. With your father's attitude, your lying makes sense. And don't you get it, Blaine? I loved you despite your mistakes." Kurt starts to tear up, but he doesn't let go of Blaine's hand to wipe away the tears. He blinks them away instead, clutching onto Blaine's hand for dear life. "I care about you, Blaine. Your problems were mine to help you deal with- still are, in fact."

"But _why_?" Blaine asks, pleading for an answer. "I love you and that's why I did it, but why do you? That's what I've always wondered. Why do you insist on staying with me, helping me? What do I bring to the table? I mean, you're _you_. What am I?"

"You're everything, Blaine," Kurt says,  and Blaine sucks in a sharp breath, but he doesn't say anything. Apparently he doesn't have a response to such a blatant declaration.

"I've never been anything," Blaine says after a few moments, "I've certainly never been 'everything'. I don't- I don't know how to be 'everything'."

"First let Carole clean you up," Kurt says lightly, "Then just stay with us."

"S-Stay with you?" Blaine stammers, obviously bewildered by the offer. 

"Yeah, stay with us," Kurt repeats. "Let us be your family."

There's a pause and then Blaine whispers,  "Okay."


	6. cause it's too cold for you here (so let me hold both your hands)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title is from "Sweater Weather" by The Neighborhood.
> 
> At a New Directions New Year's Party both Kurt and Blaine get very drunk.
> 
> (AU with no Angela)

_"Guess it's true, I'm not good at a one-night stand_

_But I still need love 'cause I'm just a man_

_These nights never seem to go to plan_

_I don't want you to leave, will you hold my hand?"_

_-Sam Smith_ , Stay With Me

 

Blaine vaguely, in the back of his mind, realizes that it's Kurt who's leading him back to a room, but the alcohol overrides any self-control he might have otherwise employed to keep himself away from Kurt.

All he can think is _Kurt wants me, I'm not worthless_ and for the first time since the break up he feels _happy_.

***

Kurt doesn't realize who it is. He just wants to get over Blaine, and his friends always say that a one-night stand will do that. The alcohol pushes away the normally overpowering voice in his head that says "no meaningless sex" and he just does it.

* * *

Kurt wakes up the next morning in a strange bed next to someone who is putting off a lot of heat, his head pounding from the amount of alcohol he consumed last night. He sits up, aching pleasantly for the first time since the last night before he moved to New York, and heads to put on his clothes. He bends over and yanks on his pants over his boxers and buckles his belt, then turns around as he's picking up his shirt and freezes, dropping the shirt to the ground.

 _Blaine_  is curled up in the bed, tear tracks drying on his cheeks and bruises running up and down his arms and torso and on the skin that disappears under the sheets. Kurt doesn't remember much of what happened last night but he _does_  know that he didn't _punch_ Blaine over and over. So the question is who did that? Who covered Blaine's skin in an array of bruises, layer upon layer of them? Older, yellowing ones overlap with newer dark purple ones as well as thin white scars and cuts. Suspiciously there are none on his face, which means that whoever did either was careful not to leave a mark or was careful to let those heal while the rest of them they didn't care about.

*

Blaine wakes up from the first pleasant dream he's had in ages and opens his eyes to find Kurt sitting on a chair next to the bed, chest bare and head in his hands. He frowns, wondering why Kurt is here-

Oh. _Fuck_. He feels the cool air against his skin and realizes that Kurt can see the bruises that his father has placed there. He automatically pulls the covers up higher around him, covering up the bruises.

"How did you get those bruises, Blaine?" Kurt whispers, and Blaine wishes he'd never come to the party last night. He had never wanted Kurt to know, hadn't wanted his secret getting out.

Lying hurts so much, but he knows he has to do it. "I-I slept with someone, remember?" He croaks out, mouth dry, and Kurt's head snaps up. He's practically glaring at Blaine now, and Blaine shrinks back.

"Don't you dare lie to me, Blaine Anderson," Kurt snaps, "I know those aren't hickies. What are you covering up?" Suddenly all the anger leaves him and his voice cracks. "What happened? That looks like someone... beat you up." Then, softer, almost like it is paining him to say, " _Repeatedly_."

Blaine flinches and pulls the covers tighter around himself, ice entering his veins. He can't tell the truth, his father said no one would care-

Kurt's face softens. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to raise my voice. I'm just worried about you, Blaine. You've been acting so uncharacteristically lately and I just-"

"My father," Blaine blurts out, and he's just as surprised as Kurt at the words. He lets the covers drop down around his waist again. There's no point trying to hide, he realizes, Kurt's seen the bruises already anyway. He continues, softer, letting the words come out. He's vulnerable, _broken,_  and he lets Kurt see it plainly for the first time. "He does it to reinforce how worthless I am, to remind me of the truth. That I don't deserve you, never did-"

But he doesn't get to finish, because suddenly Kurt's arms are around him, his face pressed to Kurt’s bare chest and he has no idea what to do, but he relaxes anyway at Kurt's touch because it's the natural thing to do. "I am so sorry," Kurt says quietly, "I'm  _so sorry."_

"For what?" He asks, genuinely bewildered.

"For everything. For not noticing, for-" he pauses, then asks, voice harsh and soft at the same time, "Wait a moment. You didn't really cheat, did you?"

The words _Of course I did_ , get stuck on Blaine's tongue. He wants to say them so badly, wants to let Kurt go, but- "No."

"I should have known," Kurt says, voice trembling, and it sounds like he's on the verge of crying. Blaine leans back and finds tears leaking out of Kurt's eyes. He reaches up and gently wipes them away with his thumb. Kurt's hand catches his while it's still on Kurt's face and holds it there. Blaine stares at Kurt, searching his flickering eyes. "Even if I didn't know about your dad I  _should have known."_

"You couldn't have," Blaine says, "I never told you anything. Who knows, maybe it was a perfectly plausible thing for the Blaine you knew to do."

"It wasn't," Kurt says, certainty evident in his voice.

"It wasn't?" Blaine asks, voice cracking.

"No, it wasn't. I don't know how I ever thought it was."

"I wanted you to, I wanted you to believe me, I wanted to set you free-" Blaine rambles, half-explaining, but he's cut off by a gentle but trembling kiss from Kurt.

"I'd rather be tethered to your side than floating free and alone," Kurt whispers, and Blaine can't respond. He doesn't know  _how_ to respond, all he knows is something is happening to his heart and it doesn't hurt anymore.

So he leans in, unable to speak, and captures Kurt's lips in his own.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so sorry.
> 
> Please leave comments and constructive criticism!


End file.
